"Larva Me Tender" Book Review

I love going into a Robert Ford book completely blind. I no longer bother with the synopsis of his works because I want to be surprised by what he plans on throwing at me. Sometimes it’s brutal and unflinching violence like Burner, sometimes it’s quiet and heart-breaking horror like some of the stories in the collection The God Beneath My Garden, and sometimes it’s Larva Me Tender; I don’t even know where to begin with this one.

If you’re familiar at all with my reviews, you should know I’m horrible with the synopsis. It’s even worse with a book like this. See, follow me here, you have this fella Eddie who makes his living as an Elvis impersonator at a fair. One day, he’s feeling a bit randy and pleasures himself in the stables of said fair, finishing in the hay. He returns the next day to find a surprise; there’s a strange creature waiting for him, a product of what Eddie left behind. Being a good guy, Eddie decides to raise his offspring even if it’s more alien than human. Let the adventures begin.

Ford is a talented author, and one of the places he shines brightest is his ability to really make you care about his characters. This...thing Eddie is raising is arguably pretty damn gross, but damn if Ford doesn’t make you love Squirt (its given name) about as much as Eddie. Granted, I wouldn’t want this thing in my family at all, but I can appreciate Eddie’s love for it.

Larva Me Tender isn’t horror per se, maybe closer to a bizzaro roadtrip novella. However, it has some bloody and gross moments that will make you squirm and glance away from the page. The best part? These moments are also hilarious.

The novella moves at a brisk pace, and at just over a hundred pages can be read in one sitting. You’ll want to consider doing exactly that because when the ending of Larva Me Tender hits, it feels like a bowling ball slamming you in the stomach at 50 miles per hour.