While The Boy might initially entice Catholic Priests and Michael Jackson impersonators, it will ultimately leave true horror aficionados feeling lifeless and wooden.

Two cannibals were eating the brains from the writers of The Green Inferno when one turned to the other and said, "Does this taste a little stale to you?"

TGM went swimmin' with bow-legged women, and watched Shark Killer from Sonar Entertainment.

Let Us Prey is scarier than sharing a sleeping bag with a Catholic Priest after one too many chalices of Sacramental wine.  Less emotionally scarring, too.

Want to see Machete open a can of whoop ass on the undead? Sure you do.  

The only way TGM would hate Zombie eXs more is if it gave him herpes.

In need of dirt cheap wheels?  Take a ride in the Creep Van.  Let the bad times roll, indeed.

Did you manage to have an unwanted pregnancy due to a legitimate rape?  If so, then consider aborting it.  Just be careful how you dispose of the carcass.

>Note to self: if your abusing bitch of a mother dies, DON'T GO BACK for the funeral.

What's a former Nazi scientist expected to do after the war, play shuffleboard and get the early bird special at the Sizzler?  Hell no! You create a mutagenic compound to transform people into vicious fishmen of course!

Zombie aficionados will come away disappointed in Zombie Apocalypse: Redemption, which unfortunately offers up more redemption than actual zombies.

Do you think that you're ready for the upcoming second season of Spartacus: Vengeance?  Well, you're not until you've read Spartacus: Swords and Ashes.

Looking for the definitive reference on cinematic bloodsuckers?  Or at least a very large book to squash bugs with?  Then The Vampire Film: From Nosferatu to True Blood is the right choice for you.

Pack up the kids, stuff your flashlight with baked beans and head off to Red Canyon.

TGM strolls down the YellowBrickRoad, hoping the wizard will grant him a brain.

TGM is sure you won't fall asleep to the sounds of this Toxic Lullaby.

If TGM learned anything from The Unforgiving, it's where not to plan his next vacation.

TGM takes a leisurely swim off the blood soaked shores of Red River and lives to tell the tale.