Uncle Mike wants nothing more than to relax to some late-night softcore Cable Vision entertainment, but he keeps getting cock-blocked by young Brian whom he is babysitting. The kid insists monsters are lying in wait to do him harm once the lights are out and wants to hear bedtime stories, but none of the popular ones. Left to his own devices Mike makes up a fairy tale about a black forest, a boy named Peter and two evil witches. In the story, Peter is a slave forced to help his evil masters kill villagers in order for them to perform a ritual that will bring back their wicked sister from the grave. The story plods along at such a mind-numbing pace that even little Brian is not satisfied with the conclusion.

A second story is required and this time Mike gets a little more creative with some pre-existing material. “Little Red Riding Hood” is put through the wringer as a horny high school student out looking for sex – and medicine for her grandma – in that order. A mix-up at the pharmacy brings a rockin’ guy named Willie, a real big bad wolf to grandma’s front door as “Red” takes her sweet time to arrive. Things once again are shaken up in the finale, but still not enough to satisfy the kid. Mike brings out his best story of the night as “Goldilocks and the Three Bears” is spun into a tale of mental illness, bloody murder and family values. Some kids are difficult to please while others simply get what they deserve – which will Brian be?

Deadtime Stories (1986) is a labor of love from director Jeffrey Delman who spent the better part of three years making the film. He co-wrote the screenplay with Charles F Shelton and J. Edward Kiernan and while some of the ideas are inspired, the overall results are lacking. The first story (“The Black Forest”) was originally conceived as a stand-alone feature before the anthology format was considered. Scott Valentine (My Demon Lover) stars as Peter, the lovesick slave to the wicked witches. The languid pacing is enough to make you scream, but luckily there is at least one standout section involving the resurrection of a corpse. The second story (“Little Red Running Hood”) also suffers from weak direction and poor plotting, but once again there is a standout make-up effects sequence this time involving a transforming werewolf. The final story (“Goldi Lox and the Three Baers”) is completely different in tone and style from what came before which makes it the best of the bunch. Melissa Leo (Homicide: Life on the Streets) appears as the crazed mother dealing with her equally insane husband and son, but the star of this segment is Cathryn de Prume (Wild) as Goldi Lox, a telekinetic murderess.

I first saw Deadtime Stories at a movie theater while still in high school and I’ve got to tell you after almost three decades, this film doesn’t really hold up. I won’t beat up on it as it is clearly a low budget offering. It misses the mark at almost every opportunity, but is still a bit of a guilty pleasure likely due to my age at the time of its release. Some people will inevitably get more mileage out of this one than others, but I will hedge my bets and say it is an average offering that you wouldn’t feel terrible for watching late at night on cable.