Phantom of the Grindhouse DVD Review

Written by Jennifer Turner

DVD released by Independent Entertainment

Written and directed by Chris Seaver
2013, Region 1 (NTSC), 86 minutes, Not Rated
DVD released on January 21st, 2014

Starring:
Desiree Saetia
Jason McCall
Kate Lewis

Review:

All work and bad cinema makes Jen a dull girl. All work and bad cinema makes Jen a dull girl.

All work and bad cinema makes Jen a dull girl. All work and bad cinema makes Jen a dull girl.

All work and bad cinema makes Jen a dull girl. All work and bad cinema makes Jen a dull girl.

I am watching a bad movie that parodies bad movies, and none of it is good. Ladies and gentlemen, I am officially in Hell.

For 10 agonizing minutes, the viewer of this disaster is subjected to terrible fake trailers shot in Super 8. I spent eight of those grainy, choppy minutes praying that Tommy Wiseau would somehow wander into frame and change Phantom of the Grindhouse into something tolerable.

The…"plot" consists of a bunch of teenagers who want to host a night of horror at their local theater. These kids are portrayed by actors so irritating that I am not going to risk any future carpal tunnel damage by naming them. Luckily for the viewers, that wacky Phantom of the Grindhouse, complete with his Casio keyboard of death, is there to stop them. The plot limps along with references to other, better films (Halloween, Back to the Future) in a poor attempt to replicate the genre savviness of modern day horror. And it ends with a finale that you could have seen a mile away.

There is a thin line between being deliberately awful or is just naturally terrible. This movie snorts that line and dives straight into the terrible side. It's like everything good and wonderful from the '80s was regurgitated into a blender and served lukewarm.

Everything in this movie is just awful, the dialogue, the acting, the plot, the special effects, the cheap costuming. It this turned out to be a horrible practical joke from my editor, I would not be surprised. This movie insulted my intelligence and this is from someone who sat through Failure to Launch and did not feel half as bad as I did watching Phantom of the Grindhouse.

Avoid this intolerable mess and find something, anything to pass your time on this planet.

Video and Audio:

The video quality is oddly good for such a low-budget film. This one of the rare times that I wished the film was too dark to see.

The audio quality is also unexpectedly good. I could hear every word of the dialogue, God help me. I will give props to the films soundtrack, which had a good collection of bands I hadn't heard of but still enjoyed.

Special Features:

There is a blooper reel, some trailers, and audio commentary which lets you know just how this film mutated into existence.

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