Scary Movie V Movie Review

Written by Joel Harley

DVD released by Entertainment Film


Directed by Malcolm D. Lee
Written by David Zucker
2013, 86 minutes, Rated 15 (UK)

Ashley Tisdale as Jodie Sanders
Simon Rex as Dan
Erica Ash as Kendra Brooks
Katt Williams as Blaine Fulda



With tedious inevitability, the [Movie] Movie machine marches on. The latest outing is Scary Movie V, the fifth in a series that hasn't been even remotely funny since the first one. It takes a special kind of spoof that not even Leslie Nielsen can improve it, but Scary Movie 3 (and Superhero Movie) proved that nothing is impossible. In the absence of the late, great Nielsen and the ever underrated Anna Faris, we're left with only Charlie Sheen, Simon Rex and newcomer Ashley Tisdale trying to keep the series' head above water. And one of those three is gone within the first ten minutes (hint: the famous one).

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Charlie Sheen's cat is named 'Emilio' (as in Estevez, geddit). I hope you like that revelation, because it's the funniest joke of the movie and it comes within the opening five minutes. After that, Sheen is killed off (not a spoiler, because who cares) and the rest of the movie descends into a seemingly endless barrage of toilet humour and people being repeatedly punched in the face and falling over. It cuts from Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan to Snoop Dogg making weed jokes in the woods. There he describes The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (no space, because they almost definitely meant the remake) and The Blair Witch Project as “cabin in the woods” movies. Scary Movie V is not a film for folks who know anything about scary movies.

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The rest of the film alternates between being a surprisingly faithful spoof of Mama to Paranormal Activity 4, Black Swan (I can't imagine many fans of that one watching this) and Rise of the Planet of the Apes. It even finds time to head back out into the woods for a little Evil Dead spoofing. I never thought I'd see the day a Scary Movie referenced Evil Dead (even if it is only the remake) but here it is. It's also one of the funniest parts of the film.  

There are moments in Scary Movie V which raise the odd laugh or two, but you'll feel bad for doing so almost immediately afterwards. With so much being flung at the screen, at least some of it is bound to stick eventually. Simon Rex throws himself into the slapstick so hard that you sort of owe it to him to laugh occasionally. He's quite the talented punchbag. The automatic pool cleaner party, a dog's Inception dream and a joke about chimpanzee mathematics also raise a wry smile. The rest, however, is an almost constant bombardment of toilet humour and yet more slapstick. By the time Mike Tyson punches Jerry O' Connell in the face, you'll probably have had enough.

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While you probably shouldn't watch it at all, you definitely shouldn't watch Scary Movie V if you haven't seen Mama. There are some considerable spoilers for the film, and there can't be much worse ways of ruining it for yourself than through a Scary Movie.

The really scary part of Scary Movie V? That I actually laughed, a few times.

Video, Audio and Special Features:

Video, audio and special features will not be graded as this was a screening.


Movie: Grade scary-movie-v-small


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