ThanksKilling 3 Movie Review

Written by John Colianni

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Thankskilling 3 01

Directed by Jordan Downey
Written by Jordan Downey and Kevin Stewart
2012, 90 minutes, Not Rated
VOD released on November 13th, 2012

Starring:
Daniel Usaj as Uncle Donnie
Joe Hartzler as Jefferson
Jordan Downey as Turkey (voice)
Preston Altree as Nibla (voice)

Thankskilling 3 02 Thankskilling 3 03

Review:

For the love of all that is good and just in this world, please turn off all logic processors and thinking mechanisms in your brain for this sequel to the children's classic ThanksKilling. Honestly, in the modern age of horror, everyone is trying to cash in on realism and things that can be seen as feasible and plausible from a genre that was kick started by mummies, monsters, wolfmen and ghosts. Many of us that have either been around long enough to remember the classics or someone such as myself, who had horrible parents who subjected me to blood, guts and ridiculous movie premises since the early ages of life. Whatever the case may be, there tends to be a greater appreciation for a wider array of genres and plots than there would be for people who are actually crapping their pants in anticipation for the next Paranormal Activity. Ghosts recorded on a goddamn handycam aren't scary! There, I said it! But what a lot of people tend to forget about horror is that the endgame for some films isn't to shock and disturb you to the point of needing a 3000-watt bulb on when you sleep. Some of them are meant to just be plain ridiculous to the point where you wonder why you just spent an hour and a half watching a talking turkey kill people. Welcome to lowering your standards, just for the sake of being entertained.

Right off the bat, people who were fortunate enough to check out the original Thankskilling should be wondering, just as I was: what happened to ThanksKilling 2? Well, this ties into the plot of 3, where apparently ThanksKilling 2 is the worst movie of all time and all of its copies are ordered to be destroyed. From the way that the movie starts and the glimpses that you see from said movie, that's hard to argue with. Anyway, upon finding out this tidbit of information from his wife on his birthday, Turkey kills her and he and his son, Nibla, set out on an adventure to retrieve the last copy of the movie.The movie is just as off the wall as the original could ever be, while Turkey kills a rapping grandmother, an infomercial host who's invention completely de-feathers and cooks a whole turkey and a slew of other characters who aren't quite worth mentioning (minus the bisexual worm creature).

Going into this movie, I sure as hell knew that none of this would be the most amazing thing I've ever seen in the history of the Silver Screen. This is something, I feel, that people tend to forget about everything that they subject their senses to in the realm of cinema. Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad to realize that there is substance to everything. Sure, someone, in either a drunken stupor, methamphetamine-induced vision or inside joke among friends (the most logical) decided to put together a horror-comedy based around a vulgar, homicidal turkey. But what you may not be considering is that time and effort does go into something such as this, and for that there has to be some level of respect. At the very least, they should be put on the same level with whoever thought a hoofed-footed demon who is inconsiderate enough to pull the covers off of you while you're sleeping would be scary.

Now, back to the harsh reality of things. The ThanksKilling movies are so painfully bad and awkward that they're good. I know well enough that many of you out there have your guilty pleasures when it comes to you watch. This ends up being yet another experience to add to the "it's not the worst thing I've ever seen" scale of horror. There are things you'll end up laughing at that you shouldn't, absurd killings and enough hilarious dialogue that I am sure there will be yet another sequel. Just remember, that when you sit down to a flick such as this, don't think about it. Learn to laugh a little and be extremely weary of the alternatives: a market filled with more PG-13 crap, starring Taylor Lautner, being drooled over by yet another onslaught of pasty-faced, emotionless teenage girls. I'll take the murderous talking turkey any day.