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  • While The Boy might initially entice Catholic Priests and Michael Jackson impersonators, it will ultimately leave true horror aficionados feeling lifeless and wooden.

  • Two cannibals were eating the brains from the writers of The Green Inferno when one turned to the other and said, "Does this taste a little stale to you?"

  • TGM went swimmin' with bow-legged women, and watched Shark Killer from Sonar Entertainment.

  • Let Us Prey is scarier than sharing a sleeping bag with a Catholic Priest after one too many chalices of Sacramental wine.  Less emotionally scarring, too.

  • Want to see Machete open a can of whoop ass on the undead? Sure you do.  

  • The only way TGM would hate Zombie eXs more is if it gave him herpes.

  • In need of dirt cheap wheels?  Take a ride in the Creep Van.  Let the bad times roll, indeed.

  • Did you manage to have an unwanted pregnancy due to a legitimate rape?  If so, then consider aborting it.  Just be careful how you dispose of the carcass.

  • >Note to self: if your abusing bitch of a mother dies, DON'T GO BACK for the funeral.

  • What's a former Nazi scientist expected to do after the war, play shuffleboard and get the early bird special at the Sizzler?  Hell no! You create a mutagenic compound to transform people into vicious fishmen of course!

  • Zombie aficionados will come away disappointed in Zombie Apocalypse: Redemption, which unfortunately offers up more redemption than actual zombies.

  • Do you think that you're ready for the upcoming second season of Spartacus: Vengeance?  Well, you're not until you've read Spartacus: Swords and Ashes.

  • Looking for the definitive reference on cinematic bloodsuckers?  Or at least a very large book to squash bugs with?  Then The Vampire Film: From Nosferatu to True Blood is the right choice for you.

  • Pack up the kids, stuff your flashlight with baked beans and head off to Red Canyon.

  • TGM strolls down the YellowBrickRoad, hoping the wizard will grant him a brain.

  • If TGM learned anything from The Unforgiving, it's where not to plan his next vacation.

  • TGM takes a leisurely swim off the blood soaked shores of Red River and lives to tell the tale.